A collection of hilarious Christmas jokes for the discerning adult. Not your average joke book; these have an edge!
Santa was having a bad day. Mrs. Claus was nagging. The elves were working too slowly. There were serious toy assembly issues. Rudolph was getting old and stodgy and the sleigh needed repairs. In the midst of all this a shimmering angel arrived one evening with a lovely tree. As Claus answered the door, frowning and muttering, the angel smiled and said “Merry Christmas, Santa! Here’s your tree. Where do you want me to stick it?”
Q: Why is getting Christmas presents for your kids just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Ways to Annoy Santa
• Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
• While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
• Leave him a note explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
• While he’s in the house, replace all his reindeer with replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly. And more…
It is Christmas Eve, and Santa is busy flying from house to house guided by Rudolph and all the other magical reindeer. Next stop is Billy’s house, so Santa screams his order to land. For some reason, the reindeer suddenly land on top of an outhouse. Santa looks around for a moment, then hollers, “No, Rudolph! I said the SCHMIDT house!”
Girl 1: Where’s your Christmas party at?
Girl 2: It’s poor grammar to end your sentence with a preposition.
Girl 1: All right then, where’s your Christmas party at, bitch?