We don’t know if Americans made up these jokes in order to poke fun at their neighbours to the north, or whether Canadians themselves made up these jokes, just to beat the Americans to the punch. Either way, this book is full of knee-slappers and groaners, most at our expense.
DIRTY THIEF
An Englishman, an American and a Canadian are sitting in an airport lounge. They each buy a pint of beer. Just as they are about to enjoy their tasty beverages, a fly lands in each of their pints. The Englishman pushes his beer away from him in disgust. The American fishes the offending fly out of his beer and continues drinking it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picks the fly out of his drink and starts shaking it over the pint, yelling, “Spit it out! Spit it out, you bastard!”
FROG
A Canadian walks into a pub with a frog on his head. The bar attendant asks, “What’s that on your head?”
The frog says, “I don’t know, it started out as a wart on my bum!”
A STRANGER IN A BAR
A guy walks into a bar in northern Alberta and asks the bartender, “Hey, you hear the latest Canadian joke?”
The bartender says, “Hey, pal, before you start, you see those two lumberjacks fighting in the corner? You see the big hockey players behind you? You see that hunter next to you at the bar, and the fisherman next to him? You see me? We’re all Canadian. You still want to tell your little joke?” The guy looks around at all the bruisers in the bar, who have now started to pay attention to him. “Yeah, okay,” the guy says, “I’ll tell it slow.
SEAL DRINKER
A seal walks, or rather waddles, into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks the seal, “What’s your pleasure?” The seal replies, “Anything but a Canadian Club.”
SHY GUY
A very polite shy Canadian guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”
She responds by yelling at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed, and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.” To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200?!”