A favorite form of joke telling throughout Canada is the joke that makes fun of folks from somewhere in Canada other than where you live. The Rest-of-Canada Joke Book honours this tradition with a collection of jokes that spares no one, poking fun at lotus-eating British Columbians, red-neck Albertans, stubble-jumpers from Saskatchewan, Toronto the Good (NOT!) and down-Easterners. And, of course, we pay special attention to the jokes about the Two Solitudes—the jokes that Quebeckers tell about the Rest of Canada and the jokes the Rest of Canada tells about La Belle Province. And don’t forget, it’s all just for laughs as we go knocking on the Canadian funny bone.
Ontario vs Quebec
Two men, one from Ontario and one from Quebec, were in a cave when they came across a magic lamp.
While they were fighting over the lamp, a genie popped out. The genie said, “I shall grant each of you one wish and only one, so make it good.” The Quebecois spoke first, “I want you to build a one hundred-foot high wall around the entire border of Quebec. This will ensure that the English culture does not corrode our superior heritage.” The genie nodded, “Done.” He then turned to the Ontarian. “And your wish?” “Fill it with water.”
You Might be from BC if:
• You don’t own a heavy winter coat.
• You go broke just paying rent.
• That two bedroom fixer-upper house costs $750,000.
• It’s November, it’s raining, but you’re still wearing Birkenstocks.
• You think the Canucks have a chance of winning the Cup.
• You smoke the best weed.
An Ontarian, an Albertan, and a Newfie are running from the cops. They run into an alley and see a pile of sacks, which they decide to hide in. The police follow them into the alley, and one kicks the bag with the Ontarian in it. “Meow!” says the Ontarian. The cop says, “Ah, it’s just a bag full of cats.” Next they kick the bag with the Albertan in it, and he says, “Woof!” One cop says to the other “Okay, dog in a bag, whatever.” Finally, they kick the bag with the Newfie in it, and he yells “Potato!”
How can you tell if an Alberta redneck is married?
The dried chewing tobacco down both sides of his pickup truck.